After today?s shooting of a former co-worker in the Empire State Building by a disgruntled fired employee, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced a new tactic to combat violence in his city. Bloomberg has long blamed violence on guns even though New York has a strict ban on gun ownership?except for liberal celebrities who own guns but call for gun bans. After the shootings today at the Empire State Building, which killed two people including the gunman, Bloomberg said:
?New York City, as you know, is the safest big city in the country and we are on pace to have a record low number of murders this year but we are not immune to the national problem of gun violence.
As you know, guns have a violent tendency to get up, leave their homes, and arbitrarily shoot people. This gun violence must stop. As such, we long ago banned gun ownership in New York City because of the violence perpetrated on innocent New Yorkers by these reprehensible, violent, unpredictable guns!
Also, we have seen that job terminations of owners of guns often causes guns to become violent, leave their homes and shoot former co-workers and by-standers. Guns tend to be very protective of their owners?especially when gun owners are terminated from their employment. Bad guns! Bad!
Since evil guns keep making their way, illegally, into New York, I am banning the terminations of any employee of any company?and especially any government worker?from being fired for any reason. This, coupled with a complete ban on guns in NYC, will eliminate all violence in New York City.?
It?s a shame a few illegal guns can cause so much danger to so many peaceful New Yorkers! As Mayor Bloomberg has taught us, people don?t kill people. It?s guns and terminations that kill people! New Yorkers support the gun bans and are well prepared to protect themselves against any violence that comes their way. New Yorkers lead the country in bagel throwing to protect themselves. They also have developed very effective techniques of begging for their lives from gunmen who don?t believe in adherence to New York?s strict gun prohibitions.
Since it appears that several innocent passers-by were injured by police gunfire today, Mayor Bloomberg is considering removing all guns from the New York City Police and arming them with three-day old bagels. He said:
?Bagels, in the hands of well-trained police officers, can be a strong deterrent to crime and violence. If you nibble away at the bagel, you can create sharp points and use it like a kung-fu throwing star like Bruce Lee. Also, bagels are environmentally friendly and will quickly decompose or be eaten by pigeons or New York?s homeless community. Believe me, no violent criminal wants to face a barrage of hardened bagels from well-trained citizens or New York?s finest!?
However, the Mayor said that New Yorkers would have to be properly licensed to own bagels older than two days. The last thing New York needs are violent criminals armed with rock-hard, sharpened bagels.
Pro-gun advocate Angry White Dude said following Bloomberg?s statement:
?Thank heavens for New York City and Mayor Bloomberg. New York is one of my favorite places in America! New York City gives home to millions of stupid idiots like Mayor Bloomberg and keeps them the hell out of Texas!?
THE ANSWER FOR NYC VIOLENCE!
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